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The 13th Warrior Leads to Twinkie Diplomacy - World Peace Through Twinkies

The 13th Warrior Leads to Twinkie Diplomacy - World Peace Through Twinkies

To prove that truth really is stranger than fiction….

As y’all know, there are a few things I just LUV in life, primarily hunky men, Vikings, writing, and meeting new people all over the world (not necessarily in order, but I assure you that the hunky men DO come first).

So in the last couple of months, I’ve gone from musings about the movie 13th Warrior, to helping out the U.S. State Department with a new strategy called “Twinkie Diplomacy.” Proving that there are, in fact, 6 degrees of separation between anything. So here’s how it went:

  • On Facebook, Dawna joins a fan page dedicated to the movie the 13th Warrior (a film that celebrates Barbarian Hotness, and perfectly satirized by Rod Hilton)
  • On this page, Dawna gets into a drool-fest with another fan about Barbarian Hotness (whom we agreed was Richard Bremmer’s Skeld.)
  • These fans begin discussing additional weighty topics, such as hunky men and (other kinds of) sweeties.
  • Dawna desperately tries to describe the merits of Twinkies. She fails. The fans agree to a swapping of “sweeties.” (Sadly, due to shipping costs, boxes will not contain hunky men.)
  • Texas-originating box will include Twinkies, which are cultural icons in the U.S. Engineering students in Texas even created a page solely based on Twinkie experiments.
  • Twinkie Diplomacy  commences. World Peace Through Twinkies!!!

So there you have it. From The 13th Warrior to Twinkie Diplomacy. Don’t you wish the State Department had thought of it first?

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Barbarian Hotness - But (Oh Darn) Not Reality

Barbarian Hotness - But (Oh Darn) Not Reality

 OK, peeps – in my online wanderings, I came across this “oldie” article from National Geographic News.

Y’all know I’m all about Barbarian Hotness (aka “Hunky Viking Men”). So I was more surprised than anybody to find that Viking men filed their teeth (yep, you read it right!) as part of their grooming to render them attractive. Here’s the scoop:

  • Viking men filed their teeth into deep, horizontal grooves
  • These grooves were likely used to recognize some sort of achievement, like participation in a specific battle, or going on a specific journey
  • Sometimes these grooves might have been filled with pigment. (Imagine Barbarian Hotness with some scary-looking jack-o-lantern teeth)

You can read the entire article here at National Geographic News. And there are some cool pics, too. I’m wondering if Viking women really found this hot…. if the men were more marriageable…

So maybe my earlier picture of Flava Flav with his Viking hat and teeth grillz wasn’t so far off….

Barbarian Hotness - Really?

Barbarian Hotness - Really?

 

 

 

The Way Viking Marriage Oughta Be, or, When Fantasy Doesn't Mesh With Reality

The Way Viking Marriage Oughta Be, or, When Fantasy Doesn't Mesh With Reality But We Love It Anyway!

In the course of researching Odin’s End, I’ve had to review countless texts on Viking (read “pagan”) marriage.

Now, lots of romance novelists have dealt with this, in scenes of heaving bosoms and manly “battle” equipment. And I just LUV them all.

But, in Odin’s End, I can’t deal with Rorik and Adele this way – their circumstances require a heavier dose of reality. So while these reads are a tremendous source of entertainment for me (not to mention my healthy dose of Barbarian Hotness), I had to look elsewhere to help out Rorik and Adele – especially since each of them comes with a unique set of personal challenges. And since (not to give away the ending) they don’t end up exactly married….

So, the real skinny on Viking marriages? Here’s the low-down:

 

  • Marriage wasn’t necessarily monogamous (though I fail to see how this differs from the 21st century), and kings and other powerful men were allowed multiple wives (and this differs from the Playboy Mansion or Stringfellows how?)
  • The primary function of pagan marriage was to ensure the orderly passage of property from one generation to the next. (Barbarian Hotness notwithstanding, it seems.)
  • In the north, and especially in Iceland, property belonged to the individual only for the duration of his or her lifetime. After this, it reverted back to the clan. (Kind of like a leasehold?)
  • Marriage was prohibited for poor people, since their offspring would be a burden on the community. (Whew! I’m not touching this one!)
  • If a young girl with physical flaws became engaged, no decision was made until she turned 16, giving her a chance to outgrow the impediments (Today, women with “flaws” can use makeup; men with flaws can use Corvettes.)
  • There was no minimum age for either bride or groom (Kind of like the whack-jobs in the religious compounds of sleepy Texas towns.) and finally,
  • Permission was given to castrate beggars. People undertaking this task were not punished, even if they seriously wounded or even killed the victim in the process. (Now how would they handle this in all the courtroom reality shows???)

So yep, Rorik and Adele have some problems. He’s betrothed (though she doesn’t know it) and she’s assumed to have the gift of prophecy (though, in a mild misunderstanding, the Christians label her a witch and trick her to a pyre in front of Nidaros Cathedral).

But they’ve got the marriage thing sorted, at least – and on some days, I prefer the romance fantasy and versions containing Barbarian Hotness!

 

As most of you know, I have this “thing” about Barbarian Hotness and hunky Viking men. And I’m always on the prowl to find new members of this exclusive club. Hey – don’t hate. We all have our hobbies.

However, as we were discussing in my critique group Monday night, there’s a dearth of hot guys out there – they may exist on TV, but we’re having a helluva time finding them in real life. Truly, it sucks.

Because there are so many reasons why a girl might just stay single, a fellow female mourner of our sad situation sent me this video. I’ve forwarded it on to every chick I know (and posted it on my Facebook page, too!).

So ladies – this video’s only about a minute and a half long, but it’s a good reminder of “Why Women Stay Single.” (And what’s more, why they SHOULD stay single!)

Be amused, be freaked out – and be AFRAID!!! After all, one of these might end up being YOURS!!!!

OK – I’ve got tons of posts I need to be writing about. But for the moment, I have to take a little station break for a topic near and dear to my heart: Barbarian Hotness, or hot Viking men, or however you choose to define it.

My intent one of these days is to get my vatos in all the Viking reenactment groups I heartily support to send in some real-life manly pictures for us to vote on.

Until then, here are some pics to tide us over. In a rare executive decision , I’ve named Richard Bremmer’s character as Skeld the Superstitious as Supreme (Fantasy) Barbarian Hotness. 

In yet another rare executive decision, I decree that Richard Bremmer gets inducted into the Barbarian Hotness Hall of Fame. His Viking number (12) can never be used by the Viking team again – his supremacy is acknowledged.

Richard Bremmer's "Skeld the Superstitious" is Officially Inducted

Richard Bremmer's "Skeld the Superstitious" is Officially Inducted

An author friend of mine will disagree with me (she’s a Rethel the Archer kind of person). That’s OK – we each enjoy our own type of Man Candy.

So enjoy the pics – no, they’re not mine; I don’t own the copyright, blah, blah, etc.

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daniel Southern as "Edgtho the Silent"

Daniel Southern as "Edgtho the Silent"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tony Curran as "Weath the Musician"

Tony Curran as "Weath the Musician"

 

Vladimir Kulich as "Buliwyf"

Vladimir Kulich as "Buliwyf"

Richard Bremmer and Friends Modeling Barbarian Hotness

Richard Bremmer and Friends Modeling Barbarian Hotness

OK, peeps, y’all will never believe me on this one. But I swear, even though my specialty is making up stories, I would never have thought of it.

So, y’all know I’ve been on this quest to discover the finest in Barbarian Hotness (this means fine-looking Norwegian, Danish, Swedish, and Finnish men),  though I review any other applications that are accompanied by photos with absolute impartiality.

I’m a member of the Norwegian Society of Texas (as y’all know), and I got this email forwarded on from the TexFinns (I had no idea we had TexFinns! What????) Somebody haul out the vodka.

Anyhoos – here’s the email. I’m copying it in its entirety. My comments (because I just can’t shut up on this) are in red. Here ya go:

“I am approaching you as an employee of the Finnish television production company Nordisk Film TV. Our company is casting for a new television series that deals with Finnish identity, the search for one’s roots and the search for love. Attached is a small poster (in both Finnish and in English; please them as you best  see fit) that I would kindly ask you to post in a place or places where Finnish males (or males with Finnish roots) might roam: (If I knew where they were roaming, I would have left these posters like a trail of breadcrumbs to my house, where we could all play Naughty Viking Games) indeed, we are hoping to get the attention of as many guys as possible (me too – preferably Richard Bremmer) during the next
three months. (I love goal-oriented people.) So, of course, if you know a man who fits the description of the poster and might be interested in contacting us, (no, just ME) please tell him about us! (see previous comment) Also, please feel free to include the message in any possible newsletter or publication that is at your disposal. (ANY publication? Like a blog dedicated exclusively to Barbarian Hotness?) Thank you! I
would like to emphasize how grateful I am for your help:  this show would never be made without it! (Well, we can’t have THIS show fail.)
 
Sincerely, English
Joona Junkkari
Sales Coordinator
Nordisk Film TV
Matila Röhr Nordisk
Address:   
Tallberginkatu 1 A 141, 00180 Helsinki
Mobile:     
+358 44 5479938
Tel:             
+358 9 5407820
Email:  joona.junkkari@matilarohrnordisk.fi

Y’all, I’m emailing Joona first thing tomorrow. I’ve got to get the dirt on this! And remember – post this “in a place or places where Finnish males may roam.”

Yes, peeps, I still have some photos from the HNS conference!

Norm Reed and Winnifred Halsey, Stylin' and Profilin'

Norm Reed and Winnifred Halsey, Stylin' and Profilin'

Today’s pics are not of Barbarian Hotness – they’re still pics from the HNS Conference. With special love today for Norm Reed and Winnifred Halsey, who were stylin’ and profilin’!

 OK – temptation being too great to resist, I’ve also posted a pic of Barbarian Hotness below, since I have an appreciative audience.

Massive applause to our HNS Conference peeps Norm and Winnifred as well as the guest appearance of Richard Bremmer as Barbarian Hotness. Luv you all!

Barbarian Hotness Making Guest Appearance

Barbarian Hotness Making Guest Appearance

Norm Reed Going Solo

Norm Reed Going Solo

Folks, I just have to take a pause from my Syttende Mai musings to paste up this picture I found online of some incredible barbarian hotness!!!

I would LOVE to credit the source, but when I went to the original site, it was shut down. However, to the Creator – whomever you are – women everywhere are grateful!!!! PREESHATE YOU!!!

So – for the barbarian hotness:

Does this really need a caption???

Richard Bremmer and others modeling Barbarian Hotness

Anyhoos – Creater, if you reveal yourself, we’ll give you full credits on the graphic. WE LUV IT!!!!

As for me, here’s my agenda:

  • Increase my space on WordPress so I can upload my audio files (Steve Ogden’s incredible baritone, and Dynah speaking Norse!!!!)
  • Upload audio files and more pictures (go figure!!!)
  • Get my critiques out to my critique partners – I’ve been getting the stuffings kicked out of me for the last few days with my workload and have been remiss, so I’ll take the kickings
  • Continue work on my WIP, Odin’s End.

Folks – Odin’s End is coming along REALLY nicely!!! My heroine has spit on my hero (yep, you read it right!), my hero has told her she won’t be going ANYWHERE for a while – and he’s getting ready to drop the next bomb on her: we Vikings need you to playact as a volva for a while!!!

Plus, I’ve written his physical description – he, too, is some barbarian HOTNESS!!!!

I think I’m going to post several Viking pictures up and have ladies vote on the hottest barbarian.

*SIGH*

OK – now I won’t be worth a hoot the rest of the day!!!!!

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